Thursday, December 30, 2010

Married musings....

I think it’s important to have your own place. My husband is pretty understanding about this and when the original plan was for me to move out to his house, we agreed that the sun porch would be ‘mine’ and I was thrilled with that. The perfect light for so many projects, a space to call my own. But I think this thinking is dangerous as well. I find I have to be careful. I married not just to say I’m married, I married to become one with someone I think is worthy of becoming one with.

The challenge will be to maintain individuality while working as one, as a team, not quibbling over how the toilet paper is put on the roll! I enjoy having my own place (or space) too but what are four walls except what they contain? I’m nowhere near the person I know I can be all alone as I am with him and he feels the same about me. Who I am is not where I am and what I own or have control over, if I can keep remembering that, I’ll be in good shape!

Friday, December 10, 2010

Married

Ugh, I can feel that this blog isn't going to last long.  I originally started it to help me get things off my mind and now I just think I have too much to do.  Besides, I'm discovering the lost art of hand-writing.  You know, picking up a nice pen and writing letters which form words.....on paper.  It's great, you should try it sometime.

G and I are very happy.  Being married doesn't change much but it does feel different.  The commitment seems more real, substantial.........and the open-ended fear I felt for eight years in my previous relationship that at any moment, I could get tossed, is completely absent.  You see not only have I chosen him and am committed to him but he is committed to me.  That, in a strange way, strengthens my feeling of commitment to him.  It also makes me feel a lot more loved and worthy of that love.  He took a chance on me just as I did on him.  When I fuck up, he'll still be my husband.  When he fucks up, I'll still be his wife.  Those things won't change and THAT is a miracle not to be taken for granted.