Friday, January 27, 2012

Farmday Friday! Yaaay!

What's this?  A long lost Farmday post?  Oh yes yes yes!  

Ok so before anyone gets TOO excited, I'm going to be brief.

I have a problem.
I tend to take myself too seriously.

I started this blog in an effort to write about my farmy pursuits and instead I have waxed political and waned....sometimes unto not posting at all.

So I want to make a promise to you lovely readers and to myself.

From now on, Fearless Farmgirl's blog will only be a place of fun, relaxation, joy and positive vibes......

Not so you we can all stick our heads in the sand, mind you, but so we can find some space to be free of the things that cause stress.  Ok, in the interest of brevity....


A while back I showed you my efforts to dye some wool using Pokeberries.  It turned out fantabulous and when hubs saw the color, he gasped "Will you make me a hat with that!!"

Well who can argue with such admiration?

Hence this cute little number for his Valentine's Day present (better tell him not to check my blog eh?):
I made it using this pattern and this for the argyle colorwork.
Put them together and what have you got?

Bippity Boppity Booooo!

It turned out well if I do say so myself.  The Raspberry-ish color is the pokeberry dyed yarn, the light brown blocks are some natural Shetland I spun myself and the black is store-bought.  Too bad I had to take a photo at night.  Colors never turn out right.

Oh and now, I'm on to Christmas knitting.  Yup, you heard right.  I didn't hardly do any handmade for Christmas 2011 and it didn't feel right at all so I'm starting early for this year.  I am not doing that again!  Ick!

Bye Farmgirl Fans, until next time.....

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Fearless Branding

I think I'm going to drive myself mad.

My husband and I have an Etsy store and we've been meaning to post more stuff for sale in it, lots more, but haven't had the time.  Finally, I decided to button down and do it.

Stumbling block: PERFECTIONISM

I have this grand scheme to 'brand' Fearless Farmgirl so I spent many hours yesterday with paint, ink, stamps and paper trying to come up with a tag with that brand on it that was 'just so'.  Criekie.  Talk about a stumbling block.

Ode to Just Doing It Despite the Fact That it Ain't Perfect:

Oh little tag
you are a nag
to pester me oh so much

You want to be pretty
and snappy and whippy
and with that Farmgirl touch

But the thing about me
is I'm busy as can be
and I'm afraid you will just have to wait

'Cause perfection is a myth
but 'getting it done' is a gift
and learning this lesson is never too late!

Thursday, January 19, 2012

The Great Lie

How can women not give their power away when the power they envied belonged to men?  Once they got it, the workplace, the breadwinner, the there room for two male entities inside a relationship?  So we give our power to men.  But it was never ours to begin with.  We may pretend it was, but in the end, we neglect our true feminism.  Our true womanliness.  

Maybe not at first but eventually feminism served to downgrade it, to make it unacceptable to us.  I feel much of my life has been straining towards getting it back.  Taking it out of the hands of those who state that I can't want these things: motherhood, womanhood, wife-hood, craft-hood, creative force - it is our essence and we deny it by trying to steal a force from men which, had we thought, even for a second, would mean we couldn't be these things; mother, woman, wife and crafter without; we would have thrown water on the idea.  Doused the flames.  The great conflagration that was, and still is Feminism.

Question everything.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Missing You.

All of you. I know it seems I've disappeared from you all, and I have.  I disappeared from you and from myself.  Things are not going well when suddenly I feel the need to stop sharing, to withdraw and seek solace in non-creative venues.  Movies.  Eating.  Sleeping.

Sound familiar?  Well I hope not to you but to me it's unfortunately, all....too....familiar.  It's not a rut.  Ruts are something you recognize and pull yourself out of.  But something this repetitive, this obviously not me must be none other than a script.

I don't want to get too technical.  I don't want to lose you, kind reader, now that I've mentioned what might be a foreign topic.  Let's just say sometimes I feel like Sybil.  No no no, I'm not THAT screwed up but there might be more than one Fearless Farmgirl contained in this skin.

Split personality?
FF (real) says things like they are, doesn't hold back, cares deeply about many things, expresses herself all the time in creative crafting, doesn't tolerate bull shit and isn't scared of no one, no thing, no how.

FF (full-o-shit) hedges the truth, is afraid of what others may think of what she says, keeps people at arms length with this behavior, stops 'out-creating' and let's destructive behaviors take over, is so full of bull shit she must dish it out in order to not overflow with it, fears most everything, everyone, nearly all the time.

So who would you rather be?

(Real) FF is me.  That me that has made her own decisions based on her own clever brain and observations.

(FOS) FF is the script.

Hence the battle of the two me's.

It's a battle of present vs. past, earned vs. learned behaviors and most recently; of light vs.dark.  My subconscious knows what to do.  Check this clever dream out:

"I'm riding a bike in the dark, alone, on the main road between the town I most associate with my childhood and a different town.  I feel wrapped in cotton batting, I can see but I am afraid.  I know I've had this dream before.  Next I'm in bed in a place of all light, the sheets are bright white, daylight is streaming in.  I'm good.  But I want to go back to the place that is dark.  I can feel the urge. The dark place is comfortable, it's secure.  This place of light and brightness is too new, too outside my comfort zone."

Some things start at the nest
Dar Williams said it best in her song "Iowa".  She says: "But way back, where I come from, we never mean to bother, we don't like to make our passions of the people's concern, and we walk in the world of safe people, and at night we walk into to our houses and burn...."

There it is.  All laid out.  Do one thing, think another.  Be one way but feel another.  The script is what you show the world because it's comfortable, familiar, the burn is what you do because you can't stop thinking that who you really are will bother everyone so you relegate yourself to only burning behind closed doors.

I can't help but marvel that at 35 years old, I am still writing posts about finding myself.  Two steps forward, three steps back.  Always Travelling.

I wish I had some resolutions to state here.  Some: "I will never do _____ again!" in order to figure this all out but I am not that wise. And if it were that easy, it would be done, over and gone.

Life is a journey.  All we can do is 'do our best with the time that is given to us'.